I’ve finally got my “shit” together.
I hate the “why I’m writing a blog” drivel that normally leaks out when these types of shin digs begin, so instead I’m just going to say it how it is, minus the grey dish water stuff.
Before this, I was a twat, such a opinionated tool, looking down my nose at every *cough* “bad parent,” making judgements based on what I had read in the peachy perfect published lives of the Celebs in magazines. Where those kids were more cardboard than personality and I was ready to point out the imperfect flaws of any “real” child, or struggling parent for that matter. (Cringe) I had a cut throat razor sharp tongue, zero remorse, no care for anyone other than myself. Then I got pregnant.
Maybe it was stress, hormones, I have no idea, but it continued. I reached the batshit crazy level of believing I would breeze through birth and come out the other side with a tidy flap dragon and flat tummy. Shocking – I know.
So here I am, on the other side of motherhood, two tadpoles tagging at my splat stained trousers, looking out nervously hoping to god there is no 20 something ready to shot put me with airhead attitude, just as I once did. (Come at me, hi -cha) I wear my Parent badge with pride and come equipped with gold-plated encyclopaedia of motherhood tails and parenting fails, ready to share with anyone who fancies a tickle, at my expense. I owe this to the world.
My life is not rosy, peachy or any other shade of creamy yoghurt. It’s black and white with ultra violet little streaks of “fuck yeah” generally from my two under two, with a few cluck-ups from my daft dog whose interests include shitting on my neighbours lawn and trying to chase and eat their cat. Oh I have one of those pussy cat things too, he is called Ruthless the Valiant, aka the bed -shitter /underpants pisser. Vile creature.
I’ll also be covering my other pastimes, can I even call them hobbies? Who knows! So I like a bit of fashion, interior design, travel which I desperately need more of and fitness – I’m currently fat and working on it. Ohh and food. I love food and Mojitos.
Find me on Instagram:
@salbully – the kids and myself.
@houseoflads – our Yorkshire bungalow that we are renovating.